We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
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