So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
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