i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
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