did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Randomize
