walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
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