No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
