omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
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