Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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