oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
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