Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
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