whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Randomize
