it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize
