He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
Randomize
