Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
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