so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
