You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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