fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
Randomize
