Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
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