To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
it's too hot outside to masturbate.
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
