They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Randomize
