If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
