Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
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