You're so nebulous sometimes
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Randomize
