oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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