I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
