Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
