We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
