His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Randomize
