I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
did i just pee glitter
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Randomize
