you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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