i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Randomize
