His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Randomize
