dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
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