I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
Randomize
