just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
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