dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
