oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
Randomize
