It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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