You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
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