Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
