and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
Randomize
