there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
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