If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Randomize
