hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
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