we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
I need a hoe opinion
go on
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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