a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
Randomize
