i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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