I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
Randomize
