you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
