your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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