whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
pray to the hookup gods
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
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