I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
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