When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
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