Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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