Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
