He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Randomize
