I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
Randomize