Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
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