I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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