u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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